Biggest news of 2014 so far: Oreo has gone full tilt bozo with new flavors.
Within 24 hours, our man on the street, supreme junk food investigator (SJFI) and wrestling superstar Brian Fury alerted us of 3 new flavors of Oreos: Banana Split, Marshmallow Crispy, and COOKIE DOUGH. The following week was a tough one.
We searched high,
We searched low.
We searched in dark places,
We searched in weird places.
And now matter how much we searched,
We were met with the same old Oreos.
Now, I love Oreos (especially Golden double stuf, which I've decided is the best), but this is not what I wanted.
For how hard I worked, and how much I searched, I could only find the same old Oreos.
can't even find them in a toilet?!
I began to grow angry, and I lashed out like I never thought I would:
ok, I take it back
But just as Brian had put the call out, he hit us back as soon as he knew- apparently unlike any other Oreo limited release, it wasn't Target or Walmart that had them- it was Market Basket. And after driving several cars off the road and pushing an old lady into a trash can to get to the entrance faster, I had found them.
And apparently the Market Basket attendees of Somersworth, NH don't believe in buying cookies, but rather just opening packages and eating them in the store:
HOW DID ALL BUT 2 COOKIES GET EATEN OUT OF THIS BAG BEFORE 1 OF THE 14,000 EMPLOYEES THERE NOTICED?!
But anyway, I bought 40 bags and headed home. It was time to find out what the hell Oreo has been up to.
First up- the one everyone wants to know about- Cookie Dough Oreos:
Did these smell like Oreos with cookie dough inside them? Yup.
Did the creme look like cookie dough?
Wait, are those really chocolate chips?
They sure look like them, but they're "chocolatey chips," which I'm confused about. I'll still count it. But anyway- awesome packaging, insanely awesome idea, the right smell, the right look, etc. These have everything!
...except for tasting like Oreos with cookie dough inside of them. That is, unless I missed the memo where chocolate chip cookies now taste like maple coffee cookies.
So yea, these weren't what I'd hoped for. They have a slight cookie dough flavor, but it's mostly maple and a weird slight coffee flavor that I have no idea where they got. These are ok (I mean, they are Oreos) and while I'm not throwing out the bag, these really aren't cookie dough Oreos. I don't know how a company that puts out so many awesome flavors let this one slip through. Did they not taste test them? Or did they just assume that everyone would freak out and buy out every store out of intense interest and that would make all the headlines and small limited batch shipment worth it? Ok, I'm probably looking too far into this, but it's just hard to see what Oreo thought with this one.
They're still interesting and mostly enjoyable, but you ain't foolin' us with this one, Oreo. You got these wrong.
Next, Marshmallow Crispy Oreos. Oh yea- it doesn't seem like the New England area is getting the Banana Split ones, so please- if you find them in NH or MA, let us know where!
So it doesn't take a genius to realize what "marshmallow crispy" means. It means Rice Krispies Treats, but they can't use that name because Kellogg's and Nabisco aren't the same company.
I was skeptical about these. I don't know. Rice Krispies Treats are incredible. Why wouldn't they work with an Oreo cookie- especially a GOLDEN cookie (which I like better)? But I just felt like having crispy bits of stuff in the creme would be weird, or they'd get the marshmallow wrong, as so many companies do.
They certainly looked cool:
And look at those chunks of "crispies" in the creme!
We all ate these at the same time, and you could actually feel the wave of happiness coursing through the room as our eyes lit up and smiles spread across our faces. I swear it got brighter in there.
These rule. Hard. The creme tastes EXACTLY like Rice Krispies Treats, and while they're great by dissecting the cookie, they're even better eaten as a whole. The golden Oreo works really well with the marshmallow flavor. And those chunks in the creme? Awesome. Great idea. Bravo.
I can't say much more about these. They taste exactly how they should, and they're delicious. Internet high fives forever to the person who created these. I can only assume as soon as these went into production, he turned off his computer, stood up, announced he was taking the rest of the year off, then walked out in slow motion while confetti rained from the sky and the entire company gave him a standing ovation, slow clapping his long walk out as babes flashed him and threw their phone numbers and bras at him. On his way out, he probably stopped by to see the guy who approved the cookie dough flavor (now demoted to the mail room), told him to keep his chin up, and tossed a few of those phone numbers his way. He's that good of a guy.
And when he got home, he found out Oreo has given him a billion dollar raise. And a jet ski. And he went to sleep knowing he deserved it.
I sure hope everyone else likes these as much as me, because I'll be real bummed out if we never see these again. A+++
The short version:
Cookie Dough Oreos: Good, interesting, but not cookie dough. Buy the hell out of these if you like maple flavored cookies.
Marshmallow Crispy Oreos: Exactly what you'd expect, and phenomenal. Dear Nabisco: Please keep putting these out.
Banana Split Oreos: M.I.A. Give NH some love, Oreo!
-review by Mike